October 2013

Well overdue blog and so many things to share!
First, I'll post this picture since USC is playing Tennessee today.  This pic is from USC-UT in November, 2008.

Captured at the perfect moment in her COCK-A-DOODLE-DO!

We are well into our Carolina Football season and as with every other time of year, we miss you like crazy!  I was able to go to the USC-Kentucky game and it was a fun time to be with friends and family!

So, now that it's October Sally decided we needed to gather to listen to Christmas music.  Yes, Sista, it is a compromise since you would've already been listening to Christmas music back in September.  We wait until after Thanksgiving so we're meeting in the middle :)

Probably wanted Sal and JH to turn on a Christmas song here! 

Now we look toward November and I received an email that you are a recipient of the Honor Award for the SC Association for Health, Physical Education, Recreation and Dance.  Here is the criteria and I think it sums up your dedication to the physical education profession just right!

We all have our ups and downs, I have my own little pity parties and my own celebrations.   But in the end, there just aren't words to describe all the ways I miss you.  I am so very thankful for the years God gave me with you.  And yet, I'm still selfish and want more!!   I love seeing people and talking about all of the ways you touched our lives. I love seeing you so unbelievably strong in Anna and Addie's actions, mannerisms, dedication, perseverance, compassion, desire to do what's right.  I see your face in their face and it makes me smile every time!  When I think of you, it breaks my heart that Mom lost her daughter too soon, that Jacob lost his wife too soon, that Anna lost her mom too soon, that Addie lost her mom too soon, that Mike and I lost our sister too soon, that all her family members lost her too soon, and that her friends lost her too soon.  BUT, aren't we actually lucky?  Because we knew her, we loved her, we experienced her passion, we flourished because of her love for us.  That is just one of our lessons here-treat others like Cindy treated you.  Love others like Cindy loved you.  Fight for others like Cindy fought for you.

Don't know why, but felt the need for a family photo!  haha, gotta love it!!

I love ya Sista!!

As this 2nd Summer comes to a close...

As this 2nd Summer without you with us comes to a close I have been reflecting a good bit this past week.  I read a friend's post on facebook about losing his brother years ago and how he no longer mourns but celebrates his life and his impact on this world.  I'm not there but I do celebrate your life daily and continue to be in awe of your impact on the world we live in. A part of my heart is broken and I'm not sure how or if it will ever heal.  I kinda doubt it and I'm ok with that, I don't stop living or talking about you.  I don't back away from experiences that remind me of you but I cherish them.  I see God's light all around me and I try to live my life the way He wants me to and do what I think is right.
I feel pretty fortunate because I see you in so many different ways, some I've mentioned before in my blog and some are new experiences.

• Sunlight on the grass - you know that glisten on the grass when the sun catches the blades just right, sometimes I see it from the porch or cutting grass and other times I might be riding down the road.
• Grilling - that charcoal smell, the conversations, the rocking/swinging that usually accompanied it, whether we were grilling splitters, hand-hewn burgers or with "Cindy's sauce" the time together was always special.
• Porch - I cherish our porch time and every cup of coffee or Ultra I enjoy on it I think of you.
• Edisto - This one is a long list so I'll just let Edisto say it all!
• Sun through the clouds -  I see it all the time and know it's your smile :)
• Finding old photos - came across a few this week and it reminds me of memories from long ago, how lucky we are to have good memories
• Music - what a strong connection, I listen to music a good bit during the Summer especially and so many songs remind me of you...some make me smile...some make me laugh...and some make me cry...
• My 30th high school reunion is in September - I'm looking forward to it and I'm sure we'll have some "Cindy" conversations there as well.  You touched many of their lives too as my big sister or their child's teacher, friend in the community...

And now, it's time for a new school year.  I've had some good, quality time with Anna and Addie this summer.  I know they are family and I may be a little partial but they are truly awesome people!!  I love them so and LOVE spending time with them.  They are beginning their 2nd year together-Anna and her 2nd year as a 3rd grade teacher at Springdale and Addie's 2nd year at USC.  So unbelievably proud of them both!  I've enjoyed and cherished some time with Mom and Mike this summer too!

Sally started a new job this Summer and she starts seminary in the Fall so I look forward to a little blogging about this new adventure soon! She continues to be a source of strength knowing she also lost a sister much too soon.

My school year starts feeling very empowered thanks to a week in Asheville for the National PE Institute #PEInstitute13 and I was blessed to be able to attend.  Last year, you and I were going together and it was a tough time but rewarding.  This year I took 3 colleagues with me and we were able to have some great professional conversations.

So, I start a new school year as I always will from here on, by thinking of you and all the many lessons you taught me.  Being thankful for having a job that I absolutely love and and listening for your voice. 

Love ya Sista!!

Summer...favorite time of year?

Today is the first day of Summer break for me.  I think of you everyday, several times a day, for so many reasons.  You are such a part of my life and many others.  When I think of Summer I think of you!  It was your favorite time of year.  But, then I think, wow did you ever love Fall.  It brought Carolina football and all of the excitement that follows the Gamecocks!  And of course Christmas was your favorite time.  You loved the music, the family time, the surprises, the faces of people being happy.  You loved the Winter for the expectation of snow and how your family would jump in the Jeep and go hunting for a snowy day somewhere...anywhere!  And then there is Spring.  A renewal, a favorite time to teach, new growth on the plants and trees.

So really, who am I kidding!  You just loved life, whatever season you found all of the positives and went with it.  We are continuing to follow your lead down here.  We are living and loving and celebrating life every day.  Moving forward?  Well, we're trying I'll say that.  I feel fortunate that you're with me each and every day.  You were with me when I spent the weekend re-doing my field day because of the rain.  Like Mom said "I know you would've been calling on your Sista for help" and she was right.  I certainly would've been on the phone bending your ear about some ideas.  But, you were there-right along side as always.

And, we did Memorial Day Weekend just as planned and you were with us the whole way.  The hat made the trip again as did "Cynthia" a bear made for me by a sweet friend from church.







We talked so many times about how you orchestrated the weekend, the relationships, the traditions and the fun!  We are thankful for you putting us all in each others lives.  Even though we're carving our own paths and creating new ones we are relishing in the paths already established.  We're traveling those paths and though our wish is to have you physically travel with us we are grateful to be able to gather together.

Beaufort...Plums... 
Otter Island...
Sunset on the 
Creek...










Love...Support...
Togetherness...Life


So, we continue with our traditions, we continue to make new ones and we talk about you all the time.  You are an integral part of our lives, you are a big part of making us who we are and what we stand for and for that we are forever grateful!  I for one know because of you I make a difference.  Thanks for that big sister!

As always, I love ya Sista! 

April 8th, 2013

Hey Sista!  Tomorrow is your birthday.  Last year this time we were preparing for the resurrection as your birthday fell on Easter.  This year, some of us are ending our Spring Break and gearing up for the big finale of the the school year's end!  Oh how I'd love to report that we are all just clicking along but I've never lied to you before and don't plan on starting now :-)
You'd think once I handled all of the "firsts" that I'd figure out how all of this works, but gotta be honest I'm still trying to navigate it all.  It's just a little too real these days, not that I haven't felt the weight of it all for the past 13 months.  We all have and we're so thankful that you brought us all together to be there for each other-thanks again for that! Don't know how we'd do without it-

I do see so many positives, like the people that support Cindy's Place, Springdale, your family, children, Fund Run, and the list goes on and on...

We had a good few days at Edisto-Mom went on Monday and we got down on Tuesday.  Mike was able to join us for a few nights because of his work route so that was a treat.  Jacob and Anna hadn't been down since last Summer so it was good to be together.  Missed Addie but that whole college thing gets in the way!


Today, I spent about 6 hours in the yard after church...first (and last) really pretty day of Spring Break and wanted to soak it all up.  One of the chores I did was pull the weeds in my raised garden, and what do I find once the array of weeds are gone...the leaves for my glads that are coming back this year.  That's what Spring is all about, the tulips, daffodils, cloroxed rockers, bird feeders filled, AND a re-birth of bulbs planted 2 years ago.  I gotta tell you, sure do wish it was possible for our loved ones that have gone before us.  Sally mentioned on the ride back from Edisto this weekend, "don't you just want 1 night, just 1 night to talk to her again?" Of course, the answer was yes but truth is I'm greedy and probably wouldn't be content with just one.  I'd be begging for more, "come on, just one more then you can go back." So for now, I'll do my best to chat with you on the porch, the lawnmower, the beach, this blog, riding along in my truck...and be thankful for the time we did have and work really hard to listen for your voice.  Keep talking Sista, we're listening down here, I promise we are!!

Today and EVERYDAY, I love ya Sista!!

Easter Sunday

Christ is Risen, He is Risen indeed!  The week has been gloomy, knowing this is the time that Christ was crucified but today is glorious because He lives.  Cindy, you always loved Easter, and last year it fell on your birthday.  One of mom's favorite stories from Easter was the year she got us all ready in our Easter outfits and told you to watch me while she got dressed.  We were on our back patio in the beautiful sunshine.  You were trying to keep me busy so you gave me my chocolate rabbit from the Easter Bunny.  Needless to say the sun melted it and I had chocolate ALL over my pretty dress.  Mom came out and couldn't believe the mess.  She got me changed (I'm still not big on Easter dresses :) and off to church we went.  That story says it all...you always trying to make things just right and Mom always going with the flow never getting flustered by things you can't control.

Cindy's Place is moving right along, so many people are diligently striving to keep your dream alive. Taylor, Mike and a team cooked chickens (750 halves to be exact) to sell bbq plates as a fundraiser 2 weeks ago.  Can you believe that they not only sold out but the good people of our community paid for plates that weren't even available.  Even some that pre-paid refused to take their money back when all of the plates were gone.  I don't know the total $ raised but I do know that Cindy's Place will be completed and the Springdale community is a dedicated, loving group of people.

I had a visitor the other day and she asked how I was doing.  My response was, I'm doing pretty well!  She said, "I sure hope that sometime you are yelling, kicking and screaming and throwing your own tantrum.  Because every time I see you, your response is I'm fine and you are always smiling."  Don't worry, I'm not always smiling even though tantrums aren't my style and never have been.  I will say however, Sally taught me that cutting grass and listening to music is a great time to get a good cry out! Cindy, as the weather begins to get a little warmer and I get outside, I'm missing you more now than ever.  It's not any easier, I still want to hear your voice and I still reach for the phone to give you a call.  Sally even started to say last week, "have you talked to Cindy today" because it was such a natural part of my life.

I miss you Cindy, I'm listening for you and thinking of you each and every moment of the day.  Tomorrow begins "Happy Birthweek" for you so enjoy and celebrate.  Sure do wish you were here to enjoy some Edisto time with us this week...I'll drink a cold one JUST for you!

Love ya Sista!

So, the one year anniversary is approaching...what do we do now?

Well Cindy, Monday brings February 25th which is the one year anniversary of us losing you on this earth.  This week has been, hmmm how can I put this, well...pretty much hell!  We all think about you every day, that hasn't changed since day one but something about re-living this week from last year.  All the emotion, all the anguish yet all the love and support too that took place that week just came flooding back.  I know there are so many people out there that go through this same kind of hurt and pain, how do we go on, how do we pick up the pieces?  I guess we do what we've been doing all along, follow your example.  Fight hard, to the bitter end, never give up and spread the love.  Not a bad motto to live by, you made that look so easy in your 51 years here-we're trying ok, we're trying!

Today is Saturday and I know last year was leap year so we're 2 days off but today just feels like the day.  It was Wednesday, late in the day when we decided to take you off the respirator.  The girls said you always like the late afternoons, when the sun was going down and they were right.  So, the wonderful nurses did it around 6:00 and they said it would be minutes maybe hours but no way you could breathe on your own for a day.  Ha, they sure didn't know the Cindy we knew, did they?!?!   We held vigil around your bed as did so many people in the lobby.  The friends, the family, the high school kids, the hospital staff, all showing their love and support for a person that touched their lives in so many ways.  The person that made them feel special, that gave them a smile and a hug on a bad day, that brought them food or flowers when they were sick, the one that ALWAYS found the positive in any situation!  And so, it was very early on a Saturday morning that you finally said goodbye.  It was time, we gave you the go ahead (well, we had done that earlier but in true Cindy fashion you waited til your time not ours) and we all said our goodbyes right there by your bed. 

But, we're all still talking to you, because we like to hear what you have to say.  It was always profound, well, at least most of the time.  Like "why do they have the signs bridge ices before road" and you thought it meant the bridge rails ice before the road on the bridge does.  Putting artificial flowers in water because you swore they were real, the "specific" ocean, "grape" myrtles which were really Wysteria but you thought it looked like grapes.  That list could go on and on but not nearly as long as your positive, upbeat words of encouragement.  You'll be happy to know that Addie is following right along in your footsteps on that one and Anna loves sharing them with us!  As I always say, you would be so proud of your girls.  They are you in more ways than you ever even imagined!  It just makes my day every time I'm with them.

Mom fixes lunch for Addie and spends time in Anna's classroom every week.  The girls went from 4 grandparents and 2 parents to 1 of each in about a three year span.  So Jacob and BonBon are their foundations, I'm so very thankful for them.  Sally and I come to Columbia often to be with them and we talk as much as possible.  And, how God works is still so amazing to me.  He brought Jonathan and Ashley into our lives and then you solidified that relationship with the entire family.  It's almost as if you knew exactly what you were doing.  Let me just say, couldn't have made it this far without them!

So, today Cindy, we celebrate you!  We celebrate your life here and all the many lessons you taught us.  We celebrate the friends and the relationships you brought into our lives.  We celebrate the family you brought together many times over and we just celebrate.  Because, what do we do now...we live!  Just like you would be doing if given the chance.  We live, we fight hard for what's right, we never give up and we spread the LOVE!

Love ya Sista!

It's February, the month of hearts

Let me just tell ya Sista, we are really struggling down here!  February is a tough month, always thought I kinda liked it.  It was a month of good solid teaching time (not many interruptions), sweethearts let each other know how they really feel, Jump Rope for Heart, maybe some snow :)  Now, not so much!

Last year this time we had just finished a fun weekend in Snowshoe, WV and I wouldn't give anything for that trip.  Though I don't think you felt great, you were a trooper and kept moving.  You went snowmobiling...well that's what it's called but you were more like strolling along.  Thank goodness for the sweet guide that brought up the rear and strolled right along with you.  It got me to thinking about the last picture we took of you, so I started searching.  Sal must've snapped this shot-the date is 1/29/12 at 10:46 a.m.

Perfect...eating boiled peanuts, drinking coffee and hanging out in the kitchen. Such good times as always.

A regret...though small...was that you kept asking me to go tubing with you (this is the tubing crew without JH, he'd gone in to check on Em) and I never did.  Not a big deal but just another memory, luckily I have plenty to think back on!

Can't believe that this coming weekend is when you verbalized that you didn't feel well and by Valentine's Day you were in full-force non-stop nausea.  A week from this Sunday you went by ambulance to the hospital, diagnosed with a brain tumor that night and had a massive stroke by Monday night.  I mean, REALLY!!  I know life throws you curve balls but don't you think that is just a little extreme?

We're living down here, we really are but it ain't easy!  I'm just not happy about living it without ya.  I think about you all the time, you are never far from me and for that I am thankful.  You would be so proud of your girls.  They are such strong young ladies and are so much a part of you.  I see more and more of you in them everyday.  Good lessons taught, Sista, good lessons taught.  I'm proud of you-what a great Mom you were and your hard work has paid off.  Anna and Addie are thoughtful, family oriented, they care for others, they have a great work ethic but enjoy life too!  Sound familiar?

Mom and I talk most mornings about 6:30, it's so good to have her close :) 
We're working our way through this grieving process-

Well, I'll be back this week to chat.  By the way, thanks for the beautiful sights in the sky every time I drive to Columbia.  I'll share a couple of those pictures on my next blog.  I always know it's you, I can just feel it!

Love ya bunches Sista!!

Thankful, Merry and Looking forward-

It is the season for all of these things.  So here goes-
I'm thankful for faith, family and friends because without these 3f's I'm not sure I would've made it through the holiday season.  Sometimes you just go through the motions because it is what you do but sometimes you hit the wall and reality sinks in.  The Christmas season was certainly a challenging time.  You balance wanting to feel joyful and merry being surrounded by those you love, making it special for all the little children yet reality is that it's just damn hard!  However, I'm starting to think that sometimes it's the down time, the quiet time, the nothing is really going on time that might just be the hardest. I love talking about Cindy, the things she would say, how she responded to situations, and wondering what she would be thinking right now. It always does my heart good!

There were many occasions this Christmas season to gather as family.  We kicked it off with Roof Christmas at Kate's house.  We've been holding this reunion since before I was born and the siblings (Daddy and his 6 older sisters) would bring their families to celebrate together.  Well, all these years later we continue to gather.  Just this past Thursday, January 10th, we celebrated Aunt Annie's life during her funeral.  She was the last sibling and I'm thankful she went with a smile on her face having lived a thoughtful, giving and fun-loving life.  There are many Roof family members in heaven rejoicing together now.

Christmas at Mammaw's was my most difficult time this year.  We gathered on the 23rd to celebrate with Mammaw, our family and Uncle Phil's family.  It's also a time to celebrate Mom's birthday (24th).  I'm thankful for Chloe, Chelsea and Madisyn running around and performing for us to make it a cheerful time.  Without them it would've just been too difficult!  That day has always meant Christmas to me and feel so fortunate to have a 92 year old matriarch :) like Mammaw still with us.  And then brunch at Mom's on Christmas day is just love, home and a treasure!

Then Mom, Sally and I head off to Edisto to celebrate New Year's and had one night with Mike but he had to head back to work.  The Ingrams joined us for the weekend.  Nothing like a 14 month old to make you smile and make your heart feel like it's going to explode with love.  We had an oyster roast (I got to shuck some for Mom but sure did miss shucking them for you) and a crab boil.  There is nothing like "underneath" at Shorty's Shack.  Jacob and the girls went to the bowl game and then Disney World.  We missed them but I'm so glad they got to experience the win over Michigan.  Cindy, you would've been crowing loud and proud...but not sure you would have been watching because of your nerves.  It was a nail-biter for sure!

So, I'm looking toward lucky 13 and hoping that 2013 brings joy and peace.  This canvas was a gift from Sally and is hanging beside the front door so I can see it often.  It's a treasure-the smiles, the hands and the sheer joy of the picture says it all-I love ya Sista!